10/10 - The Sex and the City Syndrome

Latin name:             Sapatos Altos Compulsarum

Incubation time:

Normally about 25-35 years. The incubation time can in many cases be delayed by undertaking lengthy university studies or other activities with challenging monetary situations. On the contrary, the incubation time can be escalated by, for example, socializing with people who are already showing symptoms or by heritage in some cases. Women, who shows clear city attraction, seem to be more likely to a short incubation time, even though the bank account status has not yet reached a compatible level.

Symptoms:

One of the first symptoms, in the early stages of the syndrome, is inability of deciding not to buy a pair of shoes, which has just been tried on. This will over time escalate into inability of not resisting to try shoes on when in a shop and eventually inability of walking past a shoe shop without entering the same.

The minutes between first seeing the shoes, until standing outside the shop with a flash shopping bag, can in many cases not be described in detail by the affected person. The time period is often referred to as a “soft, greyish blur of happiness” or sudden feelings of “being worth something extra” just that day. Women, who have been suffering from Sapatos Altos for an extensive time, or from aggressive mutations of the syndrome, will also show symptoms like lack of shoe shelf space and abnormal indecisiveness in relation to choosing what to wear due to the magnitude of the available options.

Related syndromes:

Vestidos Curtos Compulsarum – A very close related syndrome, very common to appear together with the Sapatos Altos syndrome. People, who are already suffering from one of the two, seem to be more responsive to also get the other one. However, this might not lead to any increased suffering, since the two normally work very well together to create a uniform exterior.

Esportes Expensivos Compulsarum – In opposite to the Vestidos Curtos, this syndrome does not normally affect the same people as the Sapatos Altos. Brief studies indicate that people suffering from the Esportes Expensivos, might be immune to both the Sapatos Altos and Vestidos Curtos syndromes. In severe cases, this immunity seems to get weaker with time, for example in relation to changes in living environment and addition of friends, who might carry one or more of the contagious syndromes. In cases where the Esportes Expensivos symptoms do not wear off when hit by the Sapatos Altos or Vestidos Curtos, the addition can cause major monetary consequences for the person to be able to deal with the complex combination of the syndromes. In most environments, the two are not very compatible, but have to be prioritised one at the time.

Although there are rare cases of Sapatos Altos among the male population, they are more likely to suffer from the Horlogios Astronomicus Compulsarum. The characteristics are very similar to the Sapatos Altos and have about the same incubation time. Men employed within the oil industry are not seldom extremely exposed and the syndrome is showing signs of being very contagious in small spaces such as smoker’s coffee shacks and in front of oversized screen TVs. Men within sales and marketing are also over represented among the Horlogios Astronomicus victims.

Cure:

The Sapatos Altos syndrome can often go into a latent status if being exposed to unfavourable surroundings. Travelling in remote, or extremely cold, areas have proven efficient. Alternatively, just staying away from shopping areas and city centres may be sufficient, depending on the severity of the syndrome. However, if the absence is only temporary, it can also cause extreme increases in symptoms once back in a benign environment.

Another option is just to learn how to walk properly in your new puppies, keep your head up, shoulders back and enjoy your new nice looking legs.